JOKES FROM NASRADDIN HODJA

EAT  MY FUR COAT

The Hodja was invited out to dinner. He went in his old clothes and nobody was interested in him. When he found a few minutes to spare, he rushed home and collected his fur coat.
When he came back, he was treated with great respect. Everybody wanted to speak to him.
When they sat down for dinner he said: “Eat, fur coat, eat!”
And he explained to the curious people:
“If this regard is for my coat, it must eat also.”

EMPTY HOUSE
One night the wife of the Hodja said:
“Effendi, I heard somebody walking on the roof. I am sure that it's a thief who wants to enter the house.”
But the Hodja didn't care about it.
“First let him find something to steal. If he finds it, it will be easier to take it from his hands.”

END OF THE STORIES
2000 years after the Hodja died, a grave cleaner came running to the Akshehir Mosque one day and said:
“Today I saw the Hodja riding on his coffin and he told me to come here and call you all to his grave. Those who do not come will die very soon.”
Everyone ran to the grave but the Hodja was not there. Then as they turned back they saw that the Mosque had been destroyed...

END OF THE WORLD
The Hodja said to his friends:
“Bury me feet over, when I die.”
They asked the reason for this and he explained:
“They told me that at the end of the world everything will turn over and if you bury me so, I can easily stand up at that time.”

EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE
One day the Hodja's friends came to his house and called him. But the Hodja, who didn't want them in his house, told his wife to say, that he wasn't at home. “But we saw that he entered the house”, said his friends.
The Hodja listening to them got very angry, he opened the window and shouted:
“You silly men! Isn't it possible, that this house has two doors? Can this poor man not go out the backdoor?”

FAVOURITISM
At that time, the Hodja had two wives. They wanted to know whom the Hodja loved best.
They asked him. “If we went in a boat on the lake, and it sank, whom would you save?””
The Hodja turned to his first wife and said: “You know how to swim dear, don't you?”

FEMALE OF THE SPECIES
One day, Sultan Temur came to Akshehir with his army which included many elephants. He gave one of these to the people of Akshehir to look after, but the poor people of the town were unable to do this.
As they were afraid of the Sultan, they went to the Hodja and asked him to go to the Sultan as their representative.
“Alright”, said the Hodja, “but I've one condition. Twenty of you must come with me.”

So, the Hodja in front and the others behind, they departed on their way. But during the journey one after the other, they fled. The Hodja, believing that they were following him went to the Sultan. He entered the tent alone.
When the Sultan asked him, why he had come, the Hodja replied:
“The people of our town...”
And indicated with his hand where he believed the people to be. Then he saw that he was alone and continued bravely.
“Yes the people of our town... have taken pity on the elephant and if it is a female they want a male, and if it is a male they want a female so that it will have company.”
The Sultan was very pleased and said:
“As it is male, I will give you a female.”

When the Hodja went out, he saw the people who had run away.
“What has happened”, they asked.
And the Hodja replied;
“Good news, the female of the species will come also, it's on the way.”
 

FLYING CAMEL
One day, the Hodja was speaking to the Community and he said,
“Thanks God that he didn't give wings to the camel, otherwise you wouldn't have any sound roofs.”

GOAT
One day, people asked the Hodja:
“To which sign of the Zodiac do you belong?”
He answered: “The goat.”
“What?” they said, “but there isn't any sign of the goat.”,
“when I was born,” said the Hodja, “they said to my Mother that I was a Capricorn.”
“There you are then, Hodja”, said one of the men, but the Hodja turned to him and said:
“I am 40 years old, so can't a Capricorn grow up to be a goat in that time?”

GOOD PLACE
One day the Hodja was told to speak to the community. He came into the mosque, got on the high chair and set for a long time. Then he spoke:
“Dear community, I cannot remember anything to tell you”, he said.
His son, a clever boy, was sitting under the chair. He stood up and said:
“If you cannot remember what to tell us, can't you remember how to get down from that place?”

GOOD RIDER
At a dinner everyone was telling riding stories.
“What are you going to tell us?” said the people to the Hodja.
The Hodja, who hadn't a real story, began to invent one:
“When I was at the farm of my friend Mehmet, they brought out a mustang. It was a beautiful horse, but no one could ride it. First, one man tried, but he was unsuccessful. Then the other, then another, but nobody could ride it. The son of Mehmet tried but he was unsuccessful too. At last it was my turn. I caught the horse and of course...”

At that moment the son of Mehmet entered the room and the Hodja finished his story:
“Of course I couldn't either.”

GOOSE WITH ONE LEG

When Sultan Temur came to Akshehir, the Hodja went to bid him welcome. Of course, he didn't forget the typical Turkish custom, and brought him a roasted goose.
On the way to Temur, the smell of the goose and his hunger forced him to eat. So he ate one leg of the goose.
When Temur saw it with one leg he became very angry, because he himself walked with a limp and he was called 'Limping Temur'. He thought that the Hodja was making fun of him.
“Where is the other leg of this goose”, he shouted angrily.
“In our country the geese have only one leg”, replied the Hodja.
“Nonsense”, shouted Temur, Then he saw some geese standing in the sun on one leg. He ordered his men to chase the animals away. The geese began to run on both legs.
“You, lier!” shouted Temur. “They have two legs!”
“No, Sir”, said the Hodja. “If you were chased like that, you could grow an extra two and run on four legs”
 

GRATITUDE
One day, when the Hodja was working on his farm, a thorn penetrated his foot.
“Dear God”, he said “thank you so much, what a blessing I didn't wear my new shoes.”
 

HALF OF AN OCCUPATION
When the Hodja was a child, his mother sent him to work with a tailor. One year later young Nasreddin came back.
“What did you learn there, my son?” asked his mother.
“Oh, I learned half of the tailoring trade. I can tear down, so now I'll learn the second half, to sew the cloth.”
 
 

HAVING A CHILD
The people asked the Hodja:
“Hodja Effendi, can a hundred year old man have a child?”
“If he has neighbors, 20-30 years old!  he can!” 

RIGHT RIDING

When the Hodja was going out with his students, he sat on the donkey facing the tail. They asked him why and he explained:

“As a teacher I must be in front of you. But if I face the front, I cannot see what you are doing behind me. Therefore, if I sit on the donkey this way, I can see you all quite easily.”
 ROASTED GOOSE

One day a man said to the Hodja that he saw a man bringing a roasted goose.
“It doesn't interest me”, said the Hodja.
“But it was going to your house”, said the man.
“Then it doesn't interest you”, replied the Hodja.
 

SEARCHING FOR THE HODJA
One day, a man came to Akshehir and wanted to see the Hodja, who was famous as a great joker.
He saw a man leaning on a wall and asked him if he knew where the Hodja was.
This man said that he was busy at the moment leaning against the wall so that it would not fall down, but if the man would do his job he would go and look for the Hodja and call him.
The man said “O.K.” and leaned against the wall. He waited and waited but the other man did not return.
He told some people passing by, of the situation. When he described the man the people began to laugh and said to him:
“Didn't you believe that the Hodja was a joker? That was the Hodja to whom you spoke.”
 

SHADOW JUDGE
When the Hodja had no job he went to the head-judge and asked for a job. The head-judge said that all places at the court were full and there was no place for the Hodja.
“Let me be the shadow judge”, said the Hodja.
You can send the interesting law suits to me.”
The head-judge liked this idea. So the Hodja began to his job, having a good office to work in.

Every day the Hodja came to his office, put the papers in front of him, waited until the evening, and went home. He did nothing during this time.
One day a man came to the head-judge and said of another:
“This man was cutting that beat on the wood I said 'hink' and this made him stronger. Now I want my money.”
The head-judge thought and thought, suddenly he remembered that there was the shadow judge for such lawsuits and sent the men to him and he listened from behind the door.
The Hodja listened to the man, took the piece of wood and turned to the wood cutter.
“Give me the money you got for this wood cutting.” He took it, then let it fall on the wood and said: “You wood cutter, take your money and go! And you, the 'hink' sayer, take your voice and go!”
 

SILLY RESTAURANT OWNER
When the Hodja was in another village, he got very hungry. He was walking through the market when he smelled food from a restaurant. He saw the owner standing at the door. He asked:
“Does all this food belong to you?”
“Yes,” said the man.
“ Really? “ asked the Hodja.
“You silly man,” said the Hodja. “Why do you stand here, instead of eating it all?”

 STRANGE JOB OF THE GOD

The Hodja collected over many years 1000 coins and one day a thief came and stole the money. The Hodja was very sorry and prayed every night.
After many days, a man came and gave 1000 coins to the Hodja. The Hodja asked:
“What is this?”
The man explained:

“I am a sailor and the ship I was on was in peril. The waves lashed the ship and we were all very frightened. So I said: 'If I return safely on land, I will give 1000 coins to the Hodja' and here they are.”
When the Hodja heard this he said:
“Dear God? What a strange job you have. Where did my money go and from where does it return! What is the use of this?”
 

TAKING A BATH
A man asked the Hodja,
“Hodja Effendi, to which side must I turn when bathing in the sea?”
The Hodja answered;
“To the side where your clothes are.”

TIT FOR TAT
When the Hodja was repairing the roof a man called him from below.
“What do you want” said the Hodja.
“Come down for just a minute”, he said. “I'll tell you something!”
The Hodja got down and the man said: “Can you lend me some money?”
“Come”, said the Hodja, “for just a minute up above.”
The man came with him onto the roof and the Hodja said:
“I have no money!”
 

UNEXPERIENCED NIGHTINGALE
One day the Hodja wanted to eat peaches and he saw a garden full of peach trees. So he climbed up the tree and began to eat them, one after the other.
But the Hodja was an unlucky man. While he was eating with great appetite, the owner of the garden came. The Hodja hid behind the branches, but the man heard something moving and shouted:
“Who is there?”
The Hodja was afraid and sang like a nightingale. The man shouted:
“You, come down, a nightingale doesn't sing like that!”
“What didn't you like?”, shouted the Hodja. “Can an inexperienced nightingale sing better than this?”
 

WAY OF THE ROOSTER
One day the Hodja purchased some hens and a rooster and on the way to Akshehir he released the rooster to lead the hens home. But of course, when the Hodja freed them, they all fled. But he caught the rooster, gave it a beating and cried:
“You silly bird, you know when it is morning because you are crow, why don't you know the way to Akshehir?”
 

WHAT DOES THE HODJA THINK
One day the Hodja saw a garden and entered. There he saw many kinds of fruits and began to put them in his bag. At this moment the owner of the garden arrived and cried:
“What are you doing there?”
“You know the storm we had yesterday”, said the Hodja. “It blew me here.”
“And who broke off this fruit?”
“I wanted to hold on to the branches and they fell down.”
“And who put this fruit in the bag?”
“I was just thinking of that”, said the Hodja. “Come on, we'll think together!”
 

WHAT TEMUR DOES NOT KNOW
In the time of Temur, he was very strict and everyone committing a crime was beaten.
One day the Hodja was with him. Temur was shouting.
“Beat this man 700 times!“, “This one 1000 times!”, “This one 1200 times!”, “This one 1500 times!”
Then the Hodja spoke: “Dear Temur, do you know everything?”,
“Of course”, shouted Temur angrily.
“No”, said the Hodja. “Here is something which you don't know. It is the meaning of the number 1500 or the taste of the stick.”

WHERE THE COFFIN GOES
One day one of the men of Akshehir died. His wife was crying.
“Oh, my husband! Where have you gone? There is no light, there is no food, there is nothing!”
When the Hodja heard this, he ran home and said to his wife.
“My wife! Open the door! The coffin is coming to our house!”
 
 
 

WHERE TO GO
The people asked the Hodja,
“Dear Hodja, tell us, where should we go in a funeral procession, in front, at the back, or at the side?”
The Hodja answered, “It doesn't matter where you go, as long as you don't go in the coffin.”
 

WHOM DO YOU BELIEVE?
One day, a friend of the Hodja came to him and asked if he could borrow his donkey for two hours to go to the town. The Hodja, not really wanting to lend his donkey, thought for a while and then said:
“Dear friend, I would like to help you but I have lent my donkey to another friend”
The man was turning to leave when he heard the donkey, who was in the stable, bray. The braying became louder and louder. Then the man turned to the Hodja with great anger and shouted:
“You, Hodja, you have cheated me!”
The Hodja, in turn, was very angry and shouted back: “You silly man, haven't you any sense, whom do you believe, me or the donkey”.
 

WILL YOU OR WON'T YOU
One day, the Hodja became very angry with Sultan Temur, a strict ruler, who had arrived in Akshehir with his powerful army. He went to him and asked in an angry and threatening way:
“Tell me, Temur, will you take your army and go away from Akshehir or not?”
The Sultan was astonished and wanted to know what he meant.
“No comment”, said the Hodja. “Tell me, will you take your army and go away from Akshehir or not; If not, I know what to do!”
Now the Sultan became very angry and said: “If I don't, what will you do then?”
The Hodja replied: “What will I do? I'll take the people of the town and we'll go away!”
 

WRONG WAY
When the Hodja was going somewhere, he got on his donkey with his back facing to front.
“Hodja Effendi”, the people said. “You are sitting on your donkey the wrong way round”.
“No”, he said. “It's just that the donkey is standing the wrong way round.”
 

YAWNING
One day, the Hodja went to another village. Nobody offered him something to eat, instead they asked him:
"Hodja, why do people yawn?”
“There are two reasons: One of them is tiredness, the other is hunger.”
After yawning for a while he finished up his words:
“I'm not tired!”
 

YOUTH OF THE HODJA
One day the Hodja wanted to get on his horse but he couldn't reach his aim.
“Oh, what a shame”, he said aloud. “That I am not young as I was in the old days.”
Then he said in a whisper, which was heard only by himself:
“I know how you were in your youth!”